S1L31 – “Surveys are Self-serving Predictions”, feat. Miss Deema
When I’m alone in my office in the afternoon (about 90% of Zoom hearings are held in the morning) I use the “me time” to catch up on the news on the internet.
Another app I use called Adblocker Vigilante Premium will, for just 3 US Dollars a year, block all ads and pop-ups including sponsored content. This enables me to read a lot of news material without having to know where to find the cheesiest pizza in town.
I surf the online versions of Philippine Daily Inquirer, Philippine Star, CNN International, BBC, New York Times, Washington Post and Lazada—that last one because I buy a lot of cheap hardware and electronic gadgets from China.
Credibility and relevance-wise I’m this close to scratching the Inquirer from my list. Who still cares about what Kris Aquino is doing these days?? And when Bong Go is a permanent fixture on your front page, no matter how trivial or inappropriate whatever it was he was doing (like running for president), my “payola radar” is busting all of its red bulbs. Besides, the last reason why I was still willing to put up with the Inquirer has retired—Conrad Quiros’ column “There’s the Rub.”
So as long as I’m having to use a mental caution filter to separate the grain from the chaff anyway, I might as well go to Facebook, where the only threats to my sanity are the same diminutive smartalecks I teach law to in the evenings. My law students hound me even in group chat, I just can’t get rid of them!
“Sir, BBM topped an online survey among presidentiables again, he got more votes than Leni, although not by much,” Deema, my student who looks like Winona Ryder, wrote on Personal Messenger (“pm”)—clearly trying to provoke me into another useless argument where she usually thrives well.
I thought I’m her professor, how can I allow myself to be manipulated by this provocative little devil? I better show her she has a whole lot more raw uncooked rice to eat—and don’t ask me to explain that ridiculous Filipino prideful expression “marami ka pang kakaining bigas!”
“Deema, hija, I don’t really pay attention to surveys. I use my own intelligence when I make political choices,” I said.
“Wow, sir, you’re amazing considering that according to the Social Weather Station 63% of Filipinos take part in surveys “
“Well, consider me part of the 37% percent who said they don’t take part in surveys!!!” I typed back, with 3 exclamation points.
“I will, sir, and don’t feel bad because a study showed that 72% of people who do participate in surveys are in denial about it.”
“I am NOT one of those people, Deema! But just between you and me, I do want to get a feel of the public pulse every once in a while.”
“Like today, sir? Did you want to know how BBM compares with Leni TODAY? Or did you want to keep your curiosity a secret?” the girl continued to provoke me in vain.
“I am not telling you anything, Deema. Maybe I do, maybe I don’t, you’ll never guess!” I typed back. I’m winning.
“I don’t blame you sir. A lot of people try to evade the issue. In fact, around 26% of survey respondents are usually undecided. People don’t have a firm stand. It must be fairly common for people not to know exactly where they stand.”
“I’m not so sure I agree with you there…” I answered. Bah! This girl thinks she can manipulate me into ambivalence. How pathetic.
“You’re not sure you agree with me or you’re not sure you DISAGREE with me, sir?”
“I not sure I should tell you if I’m sure or if I’m not sure…” I said, being very careful not to fall into her trap.
“So you’re undecided then, sir?” Deema typed back.
“Of course not! I am very firm and decided…I have decided to let you know that I stand on BOTH SIDES of the question. So there. You can’t accuse me of not having an opinion.”
“Right. Nothing wrong with keeping your options open,” the girl said, perhaps realizing how much smarter her professor was than her. “Actually there’s about 11% of you who like to answer ‘all of the above’ when filling out a survey.”
“Well you read me wrong, hija, I know specifically where I stand. That’s why I am able to consider everything because from my high vantage point I see everything. Nothing can get past me.” I glowingly declared.
“Right. You’re not among those 28% of survey respondents who say that survey results reinforce their opinion,” Deema wrote.
“There are people like that? The poor marshmallows! You know coming to know about people who answer like that in surveys lets me know how right I am about surveys in the first place!”
“You are really amazing, sir. You are as steady as a rock!” Deema said. Haha. The white flag of surrender.
“Alright, Miss Niwala, I’ll see you in class tomorrow night. And you know what, just because I enjoyed this little chat of ours, why don’t you tell your classmates I might not give that quiz anymore that I announced last meeting.”
“Oh, thank you sir! I hope you don’t think I was just trying to manipulate you into cancelling that quiz,” she said.
“No, no, no—of course I don’t think that was your intention. Besides, even if it was, I think you’ve proven this afternoon that I cannot be manipulated.” I said, feeling very good with myself.
“Yes sir! Don’t anybody try!” Deema said excitedly.
“Right, Deema. OK I’ll see you in class. NO MORE QUIZ….!”
The author is a writer and lawyer based in Baguio City, Philippines. Former editor of the Gold Ore and Baguio City Digest, professor of journalism, political science and law at Baguio Colleges Foundation (BCF). He is a photographer and video documentarist. He has a YouTube channel called “Parables and Reason”